Having spent many years in complementarian and patriarchal circles, I often heard the teaching that “Husbands are to be prophets, priests, and kings in their homes”. I didn’t question it at the time, but I now find it to be completely unBiblical. What I want to do today, though, is zero in particularly on the concept that a husband is to be his wife’s priest (or his child’s priest, for that matter!), looking to the Scriptures to see why this simply is not so.
No Other Intercessor Required
The priests were called by God, in Old Testament times under the old covenant, to serve as intercessors between a holy God and sinful man. They were the ones who made the sacrifices on behalf of the people seeking atonement for their sins. They served as mediators between God and man, serving as the go-between and communicator who inquired of the Lord on the behalf of the people.
Everything changed, however, with the coming of Christ. The need for priests ceased, because Christ is forevermore our High Priest. Hebrews 4:14-16 says, “Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Other passages which confirm this are Hebrews 6:19-20, 7:20-28, 10:11-18.
Jesus is our one and only High Priest, our eternal intercessor between us and the Father (Romans 8:34), and to claim otherwise is to go against the very gospel itself.
We are All Priests
Another change made by the New Covenant was that far from only specific people being qualified to be priests, all followers of the Lord are now priests. First Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light”. Each and every follower of Christ is now a member of the “priesthood of believers”, requiring no earthly intercessor between themselves and God. Every believer is able to go before God on his or her own, inquiring of the Lord, seeking His will, repenting and confessing, accepting His atoning sacrifice, and more. Earthly mediators are not only unnecessary; it is a slap in the face of God to act as if they are.
The Problem with the Umbrella Model
There is a common teaching in complementarianism known as the umbrella model, which teaches that there is God at the top, and then man a little under God, and then woman under man. First Corinthians 11:3 (“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”) is used as the proof text for such a belief system. It falls short of proving such a stance, however, because to believe and practice such a model is in itself unBiblical and therefore unable to be backed up by Scripture.
Imagine, for a moment, that you are a single woman approaching her wedding day. You are enjoying a close, intimate relationship with God, knowing that no human being could ever come between you and the Lord. Not only do you have no need for an earthly priest, intercessor, or mediator, but no earthly person could ever insert himself between you and God. You have direct access to the Lord, any time of the day or night. Now imagine that you, days before the wedding, are taught the umbrella model of complementarianism. You are now taught to believe that your future husband will, upon your marriage, be interjected between you and God as the priest of your home. Suddenly your direct access to the Lord is hindered and the belief is that your husband is between you and God. Who then would want to get married, right? If it means you suddenly need an earthly priest when before you enjoyed close, direct, and intimate access to the Lord all on your own, through Christ, who would sign up for that?
And yet, as outlandish as this concept seems, it is, of necessity, the implication of the teachings of complementarianism and patriarchy and its umbrella model of husbands being high priests in their homes. It’s sad, unfortunate, and downright unBiblical, plain and simple. My husband does not stand between me and God. I have access to God any time of the day or night on my own as a royal priesthood through my High Priest, Jesus. My husband is not called to be my priest, and will never be so - to believe otherwise is to disregard the truths and implications of the gospel.
Marriage by God’s Design
So, what does marriage by God’s design look like then? If husbands are not to be priests on behalf of their wives, then what are they to be? Peter makes it clear for us in 1 Peter 3:7 - husbands and wives are “heirs together of the grace of life”. Even more than being just your husband, he is also your brother-in-Christ and fellow co-heir (Romans 8:16-17). As such, interacting with your husband in a godly marriage looks like each of you serving to be as “iron that sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17), spurring one another on to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24).
No, your husband is not your priest - no one stands between you and God. Instead, your husband is your brother-in-Christ, and as such he is meant to point you to the Lord just as you, in the same way, are to do that very same thing for him. God’s design for marriage truly is so much better and more rich than anything man could ever come up with, amen?
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You are right, Rebekah. I’ve heard people say a husband is a wife’s “prophet, priest and King” before, too. I guess because the Bible says “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” and “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5
So they run with the idea that husbands are to represent Christ to their wives and think that means that a husband is like Christ in every respect! He’s an illustration, a shadow, not a personification. If a woman says her husband is her “priest” I would have to ask her, “how? Does he offer sacrifices on your behalf?”
I’m a little confused by your critique of the “umbrella model” though. I was not told that it pictured a barrier between the woman and God but that the husband like an umbrella was over a woman’s head as a sort of protection. The idea was she didn’t want to step out from under the authority or protection of the husband. I was never led to believe that she didn’t have direct access to God because of this umbrella.
This article pretty much says it the way I always heard it… https://iblp.org/questions/what-umbrella-protection
I don’t know who is teaching that the umbrella of headship is an interjection between a woman and her lord cause, yeah, that can’t happen.
This post is spot on in regards to husbands not being assigned an “exclusive mediator” role by God within the marriage union. A part two is that is saturated in scripture is sorely needed that addresses the nature and structure of authority, rank and function within the marriage union from God’s view regardless of how much it strips us of our personal autonomy.
I like this reply
This post is spot on in regards to husbands not being assigned an “exclusive mediator” role by God within the marriage union. A part two that is saturated in scripture is sorely needed that addresses the nature and structure of authority, rank and function within the marriage union from God’s view regardless of how much it strips us of our personal autonomy.
Please stop writing about God, the Bible, the faith, and family. There are reasons why I say this- #1. you do not know what you are talking about. #2. Your hypocrisy and double standard, you label something against your position as a proof text then use a proof text to support your position; #3. God is not with you; #4. you do not understand God’s order of things; #5. you are leading women to sin and a lot more.
You are also very misguided in your thinking
Very nice subjective arguments, which surely must be right because you say so.
I just love the hit-and-run nature of the internet, where folks can comment on whatever they want and not be held accountable.
“God is not with you.” Nice. And we are supposed to believe that you are His mouthpiece just because you say so?
Your points against her might (just might) be a little bit more believable had you taken the time to cite specific examples and calmly reason where she is scripturally wrong. As they are, they come across as vain jangling and prove nothing.
“God is not with you.” Nice. And we are supposed to believe you are His mouthpiece just because you say so?
I just love the hit-and-run nature of the internet, where people think they can type one-liners and make subjective statements without taking the time or responsibility to back up what they say. Makes ’em feel all proud that they are standing up for the truth. In actuality, however, all they do is come across as grumpy old codgers who lack the ability to calmly and patiently reason.
As a woman myself’ I agree with you David Tee. She is cherry picking scriptures, and leaving out many parts of Gods Word (new testament) that makes this more understandable and clear, as in : “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Too many references to add here
As a man, and a very conservative and traditional one at that, I was taken aback when someone recently told me he was the priest of his family. This is a concept completely foreign to Scripture, both Old and New Testament. Headship, as described by Paul in his letter to the Corinthians is not the same as priesthood. Oh what damage we do to people when we superimpose religious concepts to areas where they do not belong.
Dr. David Tee - you’re exactly right in your comments. This article is leading women to sin and definitely does not know the correct order from God. I will add, that it is extremely legalistic in interpretation of God’s Word which in turn is straight up pharisee.
God’s Word does say the man is supposed to be the head over the wife and children and no, that does not mean the husband comes between the wife/children and God. What’s the matter with you??! The husband IS supposed to minister to his wife and children - be a priest to them. Once again, that is NOT saying the husband is their God OR their mediator between God. This kind of dung is getting old. 1) It is giving lame excuses for husbands to shirk their priestly duty to their wives and children. 2) Gives husbands an excuse to be spiritually lazy.
I, for one, am fed up with seeing wimpy, spiritually lazy, immature, spiritually irresponsible Christian men. It’s pathetic and disgusting. The Godly men in the Bible were not wimpy, spiritually lazy, immature nor irresponsible. None. Unfortunately I deal with the same mess. Our family has been in chaos and confusion from the get go because the spiritual leading always has to be done by me. I do it because my kids have to be led. If the husband won’t do it then I will. And yes he thinks he is a wonderful perfect Christian. I’ve taught my son how out of God’s order this is and that he has to be the priest of his family one day. You want a perfect example??? Adam and Eve. Adam WAS SUPPOSED to be the head! Eve disobeyed/sinned and told Adam to eat it too - meaning Adam was close by. What the heck?! WHY didn’t Adam tell the serpent to shut up? Why didn’t Adam tell Eve stop talking and listening to the serpent? Why didn’t Adam get Eve away from the serpent??? AND THEN Adam blames it all on Eve when he was the head!! Good grief!
Grow up men! Take spiritual responsibility because that IS who the Lord created you to be. Stop hiding behind “Mommy’s skirts!”. And for God’s sake women, STOP making excuses for your husbands spiritual laziness!!
I as a woman too agree with you. I went throught the same thing in my own marriage of 10 years, which ended in divorce due to my husband having multiple affairs, even while he was ushering in our church and counseling at retreats. One thing you said that I am not sure of is Adam not leading Eve. I use to believe that until I heard Chuck Missler teach that it is “possible” that Adams love for Eve was so perfect that he willfully chose to die with her by partaking the forbidden fruit, and that would make Adam a type of Christ for the church. This is interesting, and I’m still not sure if that is what Adam did, Chuck Missler explains it far better and more indepth, and he stated that this is only his personal speculation and not to believe what he says, but to instead do our own study of scriptures on this, because we are all called to be as the Bureans and to diligently study God’s Word to see what is true. I don’t have a link to his speculation on this, but you could search Chuck Missler and maybe that verse in Genesis and probably find his video or written bible study on this. Very interesting thought.
kirkdaniel:
“Lack ability to calmly and patiently reason?”
News- flash : You don’t “reason” with God. He is Who He is and does what He says He does.
You are a prime example of what my previous reply talked about. You will not be “reasoning” when you are face to face with God one day. It does not work that way. He is Holy and says to be Holy, as He is, of which without, you will not see the kingdom of God. Familiarity breeds disrespect.
He is Holy. You will not patiently reason with God and His Word. I promise.
Kirkdaniel … please reconsider what you are saying. I believe you have misunderstood what God is saying. That is the mistake that this article is making. She has not reasoned with God through His Word, ALL of Gods Word. Not cherry pick verses, but to sit before God with His Word and study all of it.
In Isaiah 1:18 God says :
“Come now, and let us REASON TOGETHER, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
This verse was specifically addressing sin and redemption, and Gods grace if we turn away from sin and follow Gods ways, but it is true for all things. God will reason with us through His Word, and show us His ways. God tells us to cast all our cares upon him.
We are to study Gods Word diligently, as the Bureans did, and not rely on our own reasoning and understanding, or others, as it says in Acts 17:11 :
“Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.”
It is Gods Holy Word that reasons with us. Not our own reasoning, or others, not even from apostle Paul himself.
God says in Isaiah 55:8-9:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
We must only and always go to God for reasoning and understanding.
So sorry I addressed my reply to the wrong person. I meant to reply to HrwAllison, not kirkdaniel. My tiny phone is hard to read from. So sorry.