I am honored to be guest-posting on my friend Laura’s site today as part of launch month for the print versions of Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them) and Lies Moms Believe: The Companion Bible Study.
I share pretty candidly in both Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them) and in the companion Bible study that when our second child was born not even three years into our marriage, my husband and I entered into a very hard season. Between our son’s aversion to sleep, his gas problems resulting from a dairy and egg intolerance, and just typical postpartum issues, things became very strained for a time between Owen and me. Intimacy was at an all-time low as a result of the sleeping arrangements, my temper and frustration level were at an all-time high, and I began to find myself forgetting who the man I married even was as I failed to really look at him and see him in the midst of all the crazy.
Because of just how challenging the tail end of 2016 and first half of 2017 were, I would be the prime candidate to buy into the common cultural lie that children ruin marriages. But I can honestly write to you today, firmly believing with all my heart, that they do not. Children certainly bring challenges to a marriage. They do reduce the full scope of freedom and time to yourself that you had before they arrived on the scene. Little ones sometimes make it hard for you to get a word in edge-wise with your husband. All of that is true. But what is not true is that children ruin marriages. Spouses who fall prey to the tricks of Satan are the ones who ruin marriages. Spouses who fail to be intentional about prioritizing their marriage above all else (second only to God, of course!) are who ruin marriages.Â
These may seem like harsh words, but please trust the spirit in which I am writing them. I come from a place of knowing how hard parenting can be on your marriage – we had our first baby when we had only been married 10 months! I likewise come from a place of knowing that we always have a choice as to how we will respond to the challenges brought about by parenting. We always have a choice as to how we will treat our spouses, invest in our marriages, and build each other up.
So, with that in mind, I want to offer you 5 things to remember when it comes to being intentional to not fall prey to the schemes of the Enemy.
- Remember your marriage came first.
Unfortunately, what often happens to us moms is that as soon as we become mothers we begin to focus all our thoughts, time, and attention on our children, largely forgetting our husbands exist or else relegating them to the back burner. It is true that mothering takes up a lot of time and that in particular seasons especially (such as the newborn stage!), a lot of attention will be required by our children. Even then, however, we still have a choice to make. We can – and should! – still choose to focus on our husbands, too, remembering that they came before the children, and that they will be the only one still there with us after our children grow up and leave. The time to be investing in our marriages is now. The time to be focusing on our husbands is now – no matter what else is going on in our lives.
To read the rest, head on over to Laura’s site!Â
Thank you for your openness. What a great testimony of overcoming a difficult place in your life.
I love this… “A strong marriage provides a firm foundation of security for your little ones, a picture of what marriage is supposed to be like, and a beautiful symbol of Christ and His relationship to the church.” You are so right that it’s ok to put your marriage before your children because children need that!
Amen! Thank you so much for your encouragement, friend!