I recently had the opportunity to review Nicki Koziarz’s recently released book, “Why Her?” (yes, I know – there have been a boatload of reviews lately; this is the last one for a while and we will return to our original programming of regular articles next week! 😉 ). I’m so glad I did, because this book (the full title of which is Why Her?: 6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind is one every woman would benefit from reading.
Comparison and jealousy are things all of us women struggle with at one time or another (and sometimes several times a day!). Whether we are comparing our number of Instagram followers, the size of our homes, the dynamics of our marriage and family, or our job achievements, comparison and envy are lurking everywhere.Â
What we don’t oftentimes realize, however, (and what Nicki masterfully points out in her book!) is that comparison is nothing new. Contrary to popular belief, comparison is not something merely brought about my social media. While social media can exaggerate its reach and affect in our lives, comparison has been around since sin entered this world. We need only look at the story of sisters Rachel and Leah to understand this truth.
Nicki leads us on a journey of studying the Biblical account of Rachel, Leah, and their marriage to Jacob, thereby showing us not only the dangers and traps of comparison, but also the 6 truths which will free us from those bonds. These truths are:
- You Need to be Honest
Nicki points out here that, as cliche as it may sound, it’s nevertheless true – honesty and admitting there is a problem is the first step. If we are battling feelings of envy and comparison, we need to be honest with ourselves about that. We need to openly go to the Lord about that struggle and perhaps even open up to a friend about it, as well. Bringing it out into the light is the only way we will find ourselves healed from it.
- See It Like It Really Is
“The grass isn’t always greener…..” In this section of her book, Nicki points out that the highlight reel we see of someone’s life on Instagram, on their blog, or on Facebook is not the whole picture. There are always trials, heartbreaks, letdowns, battles, struggles, and pain lurking somewhere in the dark recesses of their lives, just out of shot of the camera lens. When you’re busy wishing you had someone else’s life, remember – their life isn’t as perfect as it seems. No one’s is. We all live in a sin-cursed world and are directly affected by that reality in one way or another.
- You Don’t Always Have to be Okay
This is such a tender, freedom-giving portion of Nicki’s book. She speaks straight to our hurting hearts and assures us that it is ok to grieve the loss of something we want that someone else has instead. It’s ok to battle through feelings of heartbreak and disappointment. Again, we have to feel those feelings and acknowledge them in order to deal with them.
- You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
What is your first thought when someone else is given the promotion, book deal, award, child, husband, position of influence, opportunity, or ministry that you have yearned for for such a long time? Maybe it’s the thought that if only you had been better, done more, or had more talent, then you would have been given that gift instead. But oftentimes, this is simply untrue.
- Her Gain is Not Your Loss
This is a big one! As Nicki so wisely points out, we have a mentality of lack these days – we think that if someone else gets the promotion, raise, praise, contract, or platform that we want, then all is lost and there is no hope for us to be given something similar. But this isn’t true. We serve a great big God and there are enough callings, talents, and gifts to go around!
- Let the Success of Others Encourage, Not Discourage You
This was perhaps my favorite part of the whole book. Nicki reminds us that we are all sisters-in-Chirst, valuable and necessary parts of the Body of Christ, and, as such, when one of us grows and flourishes, we all grow and flourish. When others are successful in their God-given callings and are putting their gifts and talents to good use in the day to day, that should cause us to praise God for His goodness and grace and rejoice at the good which that work is bringing to the world. Not to mention how it is bringing glory to the God who bestowed those gifts and talents in the first place! This is why Paul tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice. When our sisters-in-Christ are successful, that’s a good thing! And it should inspire us to greatness, as well.
If you, like me, struggle sometimes with feelings of comparison and envy, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of Why Her? by Nicki Koziarz. I highly recommend it!
