I was convinced. We had made a horrible mistake and our great marriage had just gone down the tubes.
What was interesting was that I was not sitting in the rocking chair in my room in tears thinking these thoughts while rocking our first baby. No, the transition from no babies to one baby had been incredibly easy overall—we had been blessed with a baby who slept extremely well, was always happy unless she was tired or hungry, didn’t have any nursing issues or food sensitivities. Yep, parenthood was relatively easy in the beginning.
The hard season came when our second was born. He didn’t like to sleep (unless he was being held, so there went alone time for us). He couldn’t handle mama eating eggs or milk products. He cried a lot. He kept me—for months—from feeling like we could leave him with family so my husband and I could go on the monthly dates we were accustomed to.
Plain and simple, I thought our baby was ruining our marriage. And, in some ways, he was—the ease and simplicity of it, anyway. But in other ways, he was used by God to actually strengthen our marriage.
Friend, I know what it’s like.
I know what it’s like to love your baby so much it hurts and yet you are so overly frustrated at him at the same time.
I know what it’s like to wish so desperately that you could turn back the clock to before he was born so you could enjoy that peaceful time again, and yet feel guilty for wanting such a thing.
I know what it’s like to cry bitter tears over the changes in your marriage, in your alone time with your husband, in your body—all of it.
I know what it’s like to wish you could find a time machine and journey back to your days as a newlywed and actually take full advantage of them before everything changed.
I know what it’s like to spend all your life believing Psalm 127’s depiction of children as being blessings and then suddenly have a challenging one of your own and begin to doubt the truth of that passage.
I know what it’s like to want to take a long break before having another baby because of how challenging your current baby is, and yet feel like a horrible person to wish that considering all the women out there dealing with infertility who are longing for a baby.
I know what it’s like to have your earth shaken as you go from only ever wanting to be a mom to suddenly wonder what you were thinking.
I know how you feel, because I’ve felt it all.
To read the rest, head on over to Her View From Home!
