[social_warfare]
Earlier this week, I received an Instagram message from a sweet blog reader asking if I would be open to a topic suggestion for a future article. I was so excited to read this, as my whole purpose behind this blog is to seek to serve and encourage you ladies in whatever way I can (so, yes-that means that if any of you have a topic suggestion, too, I am all ears! 🙂 ). So, I told this reader absolutely, and she replied by saying that there was something she had been struggling with and would appreciate hearing my opinion on. She has given me permission to post her full question here, and I hope that it, along with my response, proves to be a blessing both to the dear lady who asked the original question and to you, as well, should you find yourself in the same situation.
“I have been taking birth control pills for a couple years now, but over the past few months I have been feeling very convicted in my heart that it is not a good thing to be doing. When we first got married, we planned to wait a couple years and then start a family. Now my husband wants to wait a few more years and wants me to continue birth control. We both believe a woman’s place is at home, serving her family and the Lord, but based on research I’ve done, and what I’ve read from God’s Word, I believe that for me personally, birth control is wrong. My desire is to be a mommy, my heart longs for children. I am seriously struggling with discontentment and I ache with the desire to have a baby in my arms. I am struggling to know if I should continue taking the pills, as my husband basically demands I should, or if I should do what I feel God is leading me to do (stop taking the pills). It’s a matter of respecting my husband, but at the same time, God has more authority over me and I have my personal convictions. I don’t know what to do!!”
Oh, sweet reader, my heart goes out to you! My heart aches for how this situation must make you feel-that you are being torn, almost, between your husband and your Heavenly Father. That must be such a hard place to be in, and I want you to know that I will be praying for you!!
Also, before I get into my thoughts on your question, please know that I am not telling you what you must do. I am just sharing my thoughts with you, in the hopes that they might prove helpful. First and foremost (and I’m sure you probably have), seek the Lord and His wisdom. He promises, in James 1:5, that He will give wisdom to those who ask for it. So, please do not feel bound by what I myself might encourage you to do. You aren’t beholden to me! 🙂 Seek your Heavenly Father’s wisdom and draw near to your husband-they are the two to whom you are to answer (obviously with the Lord having more authority over you than your husband, as you said). But I do pray that you are able to find something encouraging and helpful in the advice I share with you here.
Sit Down and Talk with Your Husband
You may very well have already done this, but if not, I would say this really needs to be the very first thing (after praying for wisdom, of course) that you do. Sit down with him and give yourselves a chance to share your hearts. You don’t want this to be a time of you lamenting what you may think of as his unfairness or his being in the wrong nor do you want it to be a time of begging him to change his mind or attacking him for his stance. This needs to be a completely safe time for each of you to fully and honestly share your own individual viewpoints. It could be that he does not fully know where you are coming from or that perhaps you do not understand his viewpoint. Why is he changing his mind as to your timing of having children and deciding it is best to again postpone the growth of your family? From what you mentioned about him believing a woman’s place is in her home blessing her family, it doesn’t sound to me as if he doesn’t ever want children or is wanting you to remain on birth control because he just doesn’t like kids. So, I don’t think that is the problem here. Is it possible that he feeling as if the two of you are not in a secure enough place financially to add little ones to the mix right now? Is he feeling ill-equipped to be a father? Perhaps he is wanting more time with just you? There could be any number of reasons as to why he is wanting you to remain on birth control for the time being, so I think it so, so important for you to find out exactly what his reasons are. The same goes for you. You need to be able to fully share your feelings and lay all your thoughts out on the table as to why you feel you should get off birth control and why you so desperately want to be a mama right now. He needs to be able to dwell with you with understanding (1 Pet. 3:7), and he can only really do that if he knows where you are coming from. After you have respectfully and level-headedly (you like how I made up a new word there? 😉 ) shared your feelings, if he still wants you to remain on birth control for the time being, the next thing, I believe, is to…
Determine if He is Asking You to Sin
I can tell that you have a very good head on your shoulders when it comes to your understanding of Biblical submission and God’s authority. You are so right when you say it is important to submit to and respect your husband, but that God ultimately has more authority over you than he does. That is true because, while Ephesians 5:22-24 and Colossians 3:18 make it clear that we wives are called on to submit to our husbands, we answer ultimately to God and are to obey Him rather than man (Acts 5:29) in instances when man calls us to do something sinful. Colossians 3:18 saws we are to submit to our husbands “as is fitting in the Lord”. It obviously would not be fitting, for example, to submit to a husband who tells you to rob a bank. But, other than in cases of obvious sinful commands, we are to submit to our husbands in all other things (Ephesians 5:24). So, in your particular situation, for example, you have to ask yourself whether or not, Biblically speaking, it is a sin to use birth control. Personal convictions are important, but when it comes to deciding whether to specifically go against our husband’s wishes (which is a serious thing), we need to be so careful that his wishes are actual sins Biblically, and not just against our own desires, personal convictions, or ideas. Granted, personal convictions should themselves be Bible-based, too, but you get my point. We cannot be wishy-washy when it comes to disregarding our husband’s wishes.
So, the question becomes, is it a sin for a Christian woman to be on birth control? Now, I want to tread very, very carefully here, as it is a serious thing to say whether or not something is a sin. We have to be oh-so-careful to follow only the text of Scripture as it is written and not be guilty of adding to, or taking away, from it (Deuteronomy 4:2, Revelation 22:18) or developing our own man-made standards and traditions. I will share with you my own thoughts on this, but, as with anything else, be a Berean (Acts 17:11) and take what I say and measure it up against Scripture to see if it be so.
This topic is actually right up my alley, as I have been on both sides of it and it was also something that my husband and I discussed when I was pregnant and then newly postpartum with Anna. I only have one sibling myself (whereas my husband has 5!) and, growing up, my family believed for years that birth control was fine for them to use. Then when I was about 15, the Lord began to change my parents’ minds about that after we met and befriended some large families, became aware of a ministry that taught a lot on Psalm 127 and the blessing that children are, etc. Up until that time, I don’t think I had ever even read Psalm 127 before, and so having this new (to me) idea that children are a great blessing and something to seek after, I zealously took it and ran with it and began to personally believe that it was a downright sin to ever use any form of birth control. After all, to do so would be to intentionally reject the blessing of God, right? When Owen and I got married, we together decided that from day one, we would not do anything to hinder a pregnancy (and the Lord surprised us with a positive pregnancy test only two months into our marriage! 🙂 ). In addition, we both, to this day, want a large family with several children. We firmly believe children are a great blessing, as the Bible clearly says, and look forward to seeing how many the Lord chooses to give us. However, in the days and weeks after I had Anna, we revisited the topic of birth control again and this time came to a slightly different stance on it (again, what I am going to tell you was our own personal conviction and decision, not that it has to be yours or any other couple’s! I share this merely to illustrate my viewpoint on the issue at hand of whether or not birth control, in and of itself, is sinful). Early on in my pregnancy, I knew it would be my goal to exclusively breastfeed Anna until she was 6 months old, at which time I would start supplementing some by introducing some solids here and there. This fact caused us to revisit the birth control issue, because I also knew that, though pregnancy does not necessarily always reduce the amount of milk you produce (though that does happen!), it does greatly lower the quality of it, making it not as densely nutritious as it is when you are not pregnant. Because of this and because Anna was my first child and I therefore did not know when my cycle would return or if I would be one of those Mamas who have it come back very early after giving birth, we felt it the responsible thing for us to do to be on a form of non-hormonal, non-invasive birth control for a time while Anna was tiny. If the Lord had chosen to send us another child very soon after Anna was born, that child would, of course, have been a great blessing, too, as Anna was. But, while I do wholeheartedly believe in the sovereignty of God and His ability to give a couple a child regardless of their usage of birth control, I also fully believe in the Biblical concept of human responsibility. And while I believe that children are a blessing, therefore it’s great to have several, I also believe that children are a blessing, therefore we need to act like it and take the best care we can of each one, individually, that the Lord has already given us. For us, personally, that meant using a form of birth control for a time to try to insure that Anna received the fullest and best nutrition she possibly could while still such a young baby. Now that she is a toddler and the issue of milk supply is no longer as big a concern, we are no longer using any birth control at this time (and before anyone wonders-yes, I promise I asked my husband how much of our personal story he was comfortable with me sharing, so he is fully on board with what I just wrote, haha 😉 ). Here is the thing-I wholeheartedly believe that children are a great blessing and I hope to have a house full of them! But I do not personally believe, as I once did, that being on birth control always equals sin and a rejection of children. It can actually be used as a way to take good care of and bless the children God has currently given you as well as the ones He may give you in the future. To illustrate this, in addition to our own reasons for using birth control for a time, other couples may have other legitimate, well-thought-out reasons- i.e., military couples may use it leading up to a deployment out of the belief that it is better for a child to have both its mother and its father home when it is born, whereas other couples may contain a wife and mama who is physically unwell and emotionally and mentally exhausted and therefore they delay trying for another child so that they can first focus on the wife and mama receiving the refreshment and healing she needs so that she can be a better mom in the future to any other children the Lord sends their way. I say all of this to illustrate my belief that Psalm 127:3-5 (which does undoubtedly and clearly speak of children being a blessing and happy being the men who have their quiver full of them) is not saying birth control is a sin-it does not address that issue. [clickToTweet tweet=”Psalm 127:3-5 is dealing more with the condition of our hearts than with our specific birth control practices. ” quote=”Psalm 127:3-5 is dealing more with the condition of our hearts than with our specific birth control practices. “] Do we believe in our hearts that children are a blessing or are we viewing children as a burden? Are we believing that they are a reward or a restriction? Are we using birth control because we hate kids, love our careers, and couldn’t care less about God’s heart for children and His desire that couples be fruitful and multiply, or because we feel, in our hearts, after much consideration and prayer, that to use birth control at a specific time is the more responsible or considerate thing to do? You see, all throughout Scripture, our Lord speaks to the importance of our hearts. Out of our hearts flow all the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23) and where our hearts are, there will our treasure be also (Matthew 6:21), so what our hearts are set on is of the utmost importance. I believe that Psalm 127 is teaching us to deeply value and happily pursue the blessing of children, not at all that the use of any form of birth control at any time and for any reason at all is an absolute sin. Because the idea of birth control being a sin is not what Psalm 127 expressly says. All throughout the Scriptures we do indeed see God’s heart for children, that we are to be fruitful and multiply, and that we ought to view children as the rewards they truly are. But sometimes couples use birth control for a season specifically because they value children and want to care for them the best way they can, as illustrated in the examples above. I know, of course, that at the end of the day, God is trustworthy, takes good care of us, has a perfect plan and perfect timing, etc., but I also believe that we are to exercise our human responsibility wisely, as well. That will look different from couple to couple, of course, and the way it looks for Owen and me in the future may at some point differ from how it looked for us right after we had Anna. And that is ok! There is liberty for us there, to personally seek the Lord, His will for our lives as individual couples, and live the way He leads us to individually. The bottom line for me then is this: I believe birth control can definitely be used in sinful ways (i.e. to encourage promiscuity among teens or to exercise a disdain for children among married couples), but it is not sinful in and of itself, is not expressly prohibited in Scripture, and can be used in ways that are acceptable. So, if this is the case and if you, too, feel led to believe this after your own study of Scripture, then if, after your conversation with your husband, he still insists that you remain on birth control for now, I believe the next thing for you to do is to…
Submit and Pray
I almost hate to say this, because I can so clearly hear in your message your heart for children and your heart’s desire to have precious little ones of your own right away. But we wives are commanded in Ephesians 5 to submit to our husbands in all things, the only exception being if they ask us to sin against God’s commands. This is not at all always easy or always what we want or always in accordance with the plans and dreams we have set out for ourselves. But I do know this: because the Lord set up the design of husbands being the heads of the households and wives submitting to that leadership, He can and does work through that design and lead our families in the way He wants them to go through the way the husband leads. There were times in my own family where my mom said she learned this herself firsthand-my parents would be house-hunting and Mama would be just so sure that one option was the way to go, only to have my Daddy say he thought otherwise. She would submit to him, later to discover that he was so right and that they would have, in the end, been unhappy had they gone with the option she originally thought right for them. So, take encouragement from that, sweet sister. The Lord uses our husbands to bring about good for our families-after all, He turns the hearts even of the kings in whatever way He wishes them to go (Proverbs 21:1)! 😉 We can rest in that and reap the blessing of obedience when we follow our God-given calling of submission. We cannot see the big picture in the oftentimes-difficult here and now. But God can and does work everything together for our good (Romans 8:28). God will undoubtedly bless you for your grace, respect, meekness, and obedience in this difficult and heart-wrenching situation. Be encouraged and inspired by what 1 Peter 3:1-6 has to say to us wives when we find ourselves in difficult circumstances with our husbands:
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”
So, you see, this is your calling, sweet reader. Love your husband. Bless him. Encourage him. Honor, respect, and esteem him. Make him laugh, be his biggest fan and enthusiastic helpmeet, and make yourself his very best friend. If you do this even when it is crazy hard to do so (you may very well need to lean on the Lord for the strength required for this!), it will absolutely speak volumes to him! If, in this emotional time, you strive to not whine to and about him, complain about how wrong you think he is, or pick on him for his stance, you may see the Lord begin to work wonders in his heart and he could end up telling you next week that he is ready for a baby! 😉 [clickToTweet tweet=”You never know how the Lord will work, but you can always know He will bring about what is best!” quote=”You never know how the Lord will work, but you can always know He will bring about what is best!“]
In the meantime, between now and when your husband does lift the baby restriction, submit to him and pray for him based on what you discovered through your conversation together. Is he wanting to postpone children because of financial worries? Then pray that he would come to know the Lord as the great provider He truly is and that your husband’s faith and trust in the Lord and His provision for your family would be strengthened and deepened. Is he wanting more time alone with you? Then thank the Lord for blessing you with such a loving husband who adores you so, and seek to make the most of this special time you have together. The more you pray for your husband in these ways, the more your love and respect for him will deepen and the more his willingness and desire to hear your side of things will grow. No matter what your husband’s exact reasoning or whatever approach you may take, rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4, 7).Pray that the Lord will work in your husband’s heart to decide what is best for your family and you just keep on loving your man. Take heart, sister! The Lord’s got this. He loves you, so adores and appreciates your love for children and your wonderful belief that they are blessings, and He is there for you to turn to. He’s at work. Remember that! Even now, He is at work in both your heart as well as your husband’s, and is writing a beautiful story for your family. God bless you, and know that I am praying for you!
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I hope my answer was encouraging and helpful to you, sweet friend. Again, thank you so much for coming to me with this and giving me the opportunity to reach out and serve you. If you (or any of you other awesome readers!) ever have any more topic recommendations, questions, or concerns, please let me know! I would love for you to share those with me, as well.
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***One note: I want to edit this quickly to add one extra point which I failed to address in the article itself and that is this: because the role of leadership in the home and family falls to the husband, the responsibility of the decisions made and the route the family takes, is squarely on the shoulders of the husband, who is also the one who will ultimately have to answer to God for how the family was led. So, even if you think your husband is in the wrong in some area, you can ultimately rest knowing that the Lord will deal with him and work in his heart, and you are not ultimately held responsible for the decisions made or the outcomes thereof. You are simply held responsible for submitting to your husband in all areas (except only in those areas of sin). There’s a certain amount of relief which comes with that knowledge, I believe!
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LauraJean Sword says
There is so much I want to say I don’t even know where to begin…lol. I guess I will start with this…
I have not read a better answer to this question then I have in this article. And trust me I have read a lot of articles on this subject. I have been in the exact place that your friend is in now. TWICE.
I will not go into details… but I am 41 years old and I have six living children. I had four children, very close together, very early on in my first marriage ( three are living). After having our only son my husband insisted that he wanted my tubes tied. He Did not want any more children for a couple of reasons : the loss of one baby and almost the loss of my life was not something he wanted to repeat and he also felt three children maxed out our finances. I was a new Christian and was just learning the same thing that this lady is learning about children being a blessing and birth control possibly being an issue and I was uncertain what to do. My pastor said that I needed to be obedient to my husband’s wishes. So the day after our son was born my tubes tied. One year later I fell under so much conviction about what I had allowed to happen to my body, I was a complete basket case. However at that time I felt like the Lord has revealed to me there were going to be more children in my future. My husband wouldn’t hear of it and actually forbade me to pray for more children. When our son was four years old my husband committed a crime and went to jail. We divorced and I found myself a single mother, supporting three children on my own. I Had never been more thankful that I didn’t have any more children to take care of because I could barely take care of those three. I remarried. And although he knew I could not have more children he had a desire to have children together. We began to pray together that God would heal my body or bring about the funds to pay for a tubal reversal. 7 years into our marriage he had changed his mind. He decided that he didn’t want to have any more children. I was devestated. I had been hanging on to the hope that I was going to be a mommy once again and now I was being told never mind. I had it out with God. I cried, I yelled, and I finally told God even though I believed His promise that I would have more children He was going to have to convince my husband. I was giving up. For several years I have been collecting baby items, in faith, and I packed it all away and I gave it to other ladies that were expecting babies. I got rid of everything. I moved on with my life and I decided to focus on my relationship with my husband and the children that we still had at home who were now teenagers. And do you know what happened? 3 month after I went through all of that my husband came to me in tears and told me how sorry and how wrong he was and that God had touched his heart and that he now knew that we were meant to pursue having a godly seed. All of the sudden the Lord gave us the money and in just a few short months after that confession I found myself at a renowned hospital in Kentucky having my tubes reversed and six weeks later we were pregnant with our first baby together! 6 months after our son was born I found out I was pregnant again! Sadly, we lost her, but then 5-6 months after that (on Mother’s Day 2013) we discovered we were pregnant with reversal baby #3! When she was 10 or 11 months old we found out that baby #4 was on the way. Thats a total of 4 babies since 2012! Now I’m biting my nails LOL. I am open to having as many children as God wants but I’ve been praying that he would slow down on the gift-giving…lol. This mama is busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest!
I say all of this to encourage you that as soon as you submit and just give it over to God you would be amazed what he will do.
Great article Mrs. Hargraves!
Rebekah Hargraves says
Oh, wow, Mrs. Sword! You really blessed me with those sweet words. That is a high honor to be told that. I’m so humbled; thank you!! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story! That will be so, so encouraging to her, I’m sure! It even inspires me!! I really appreciate your taking the time to share that. It is just so awesome to hear firsthand how the Lord worked through your faith and trust in Him and submission to your husband. Your life has by no means been easy, but it inspires and encourages me so much to see just how faithful the Lord is and how powerful He is to work in whatever situation we find ourselves in! What an inspiration. Thank you again!
haha That line cracked me up! 😉 Praying you are able to get some rest and refreshment amongst your super busy days!
Thank you again for taking the time to comment here, Mrs. Sword!
Elina R. says
Hi, this is my first time commenting on your blog (which I really like, by the way.) I just wanted to share another perspective on this issue.
I actually do not believe that there are any justifiable reasons to ever use birth control. I think it truly is a sin. If we really believe that God is the author of life and that He is sovereign over when each life begins and ends, how can we ever justify taking control over it at any time, for any reason? The conception of a child isn’t just the result of science and biology, but by God Himself deciding to create a new person. You mentioned that there are reasons to use it in order to be more responsible and take care of the children you already have, but isn’t that like saying God is acting irresponsibly by creating that new life at an inconvenient time? I know of families who have many children born “irresponsibly” close together and they could never dream of life without any of those children. When a couple uses birth control, they are essentially wiping out the lives of their children before they even get a chance to exist. There are people who would have existed but never will now because the couple chose to take matters into their own hands. Yes, I know that God can and sometimes does override birth control and cause someone to get pregnant anyway, but I don’t think that is how He usually works. Usually I think He lets you reap the consequences of your own actions.
I really am not trying to judge you or start an argument, and I think in this case, the decision is harder than usual because the wife has to chose between two sins…the sin of birth control and the sin of disobeying her husband. So in this case, I actually do agree with you that it’s better for her to talk it out with him and pray for God to change his heart than to go behind his back. But in general though, I really don’t think there is ever a justifiable reason for a Christian to use birth control and I think embracing birth control is one of the biggest mistakes that the modern church has made. So I just wanted to share that perspective.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Hi, Elina! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog! What a blessing. 🙂 I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts and especially in such a thoughtful and respectful manner. 🙂 I do understand your thought process and where you are coming from (as I have been there myself, actually! 🙂 ). However, there are a couple things I would say in response.
You said that, “When a couple uses birth control, they are essentially wiping out the lives of their children before they even get a chance to exist. There are people who would have existed but never will now because the couple chose to take matters into their own hands.” I do not believe that we humans have such power over God as to be able to wipe out the lives of people who would have otherwise existed. If they would have existed, then it was God’s plan and will for them to exist and He had written and set out a plan for their lives. I do not believe mankind is so sovereign and so able to exert power over God as to be able to rewrite history in such a manner. We see throughout the Scriptures that God is the one who opens and closes the womb. He alone is solely in charge of when conception does and does not happen, according to Scripture. In that sense, I have always felt that the term “birth control” was a bit of a misnomer, anyway, as God is an all-powerful God Who is able to work in spite of what we do or do not do. He works according to His own sovereign will. Psalm 139:13-16 talks about it being God who knit us in the womb, and how all the days of our lives were written in His book before even one of them came to be. If such is the case, then I would find it hard to believe, based on Scripture itself, that we could erase through the practice of birth control that history that is in God’s book already.
Secondly, if it is the case that by using birth control we are wiping out lives of those who could otherwise exist, then in that case I would not put the obedience of a husband above the issue of, in essence, murdering a person who otherwise would have lived. Does that make sense? If it is factual that the usage of birth control would lead to the snuffing out of a life that would otherwise be born, would it not follow, then, that to protect unborn life and the sanctity thereof would be more important and crucial than obeying one’s husband? After all, it would be important to go against a husband if he wanted his wife to have an abortion.
I do not say any of this in a spirit of argument or harshness or disrespect. I hope you can hear my heart here through all of this. 🙂 I do sincerely value your opinion and appreciate the sharing of it here. Have a blessed day, Elina, and I pray you continue to find encouragement here in the future!
God bless,
Rebekah
Rebekah Hargraves says
P.S. You mentioned, ” If we really believe that God is the author of life and that He is sovereign over when each life begins and ends, how can we ever justify taking control over it at any time, for any reason? ” I feel like this, in essence, proves the point that if God is indeed the author of life and sovereign over when life begins, we cannot then truly “take control” of it fully, anyway, for God is the author of time and space, and fully in charge thereof.
Leila Williams says
Normally, I don’t bother commenting on blogs like this, but since I’ve known Owen a long time and I’ve met you, I feel more sure that you two will actually read this and give it some consideration.
I see using Birth Control (when it doesn’t outright kill offspring), as more “foolishness” than sin.
People make up all kinds of hypothetical reasons why it would be a good idea to not have a baby at certain times and I’m just wondering, “how do you know?” How do we know that God’s not going to work a miracle and give you a healthy baby, even though the doctors say it’s impossible that any of yours will survive because of a genetic disorder?
How do we know He’s not about to bless us with good milk or more finances or whatever conditions we think we need to have another baby?
The way I see it is, we are supposed to TRUST His sovereignty, not just acknowledge it.
That’s the way my husband and I see the issue, and it’s very “freeing” to just leave it up to our God who sees the future.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Hi, Leila! 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts! I really appreciate your input. I truly believe this is an issue which requires each individual couple to put in a lot of thought, consideration, prayer, and seeking of wisdom in the Lord’s Word into their decision. Because, as you mentioned, we are not talking about a sin issue when it comes to non-abortifacient forms of birth control, I don’t believe, therefore, that we can make a hard and fast rule one way or the other about what couples should do. I do see excellent points in what you said and I also see other things, as well, such as what I wrote about being good stewards of our bodies, etc. This issue is truly one which I firmly believe requires the Lord to give wisdom to couples as they seek Him. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me!
Megan says
Hmm, what is your source on the fact that your milk would not be so nutritious while pregnant? I have never heard that before and would like to read more about it.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Hi, Megan! Sure, absolutely. Well, I was first told that by my midwife at one of my postnatal appointments. The chemical makeup of breastmilk changes back into colostrum when you are pregnant. Colostrum, though absolutely amazing and the perfect nutrition for a newborn, is not what an older baby needs and is not adequate to meet all the nutritional needs of an older baby (which is why we do not go on producing just colostrum when we have a baby). It is a lot lower, for example, in fat, which is one component of regular breastmilk which is so important for a baby’s brain and overall well-being (this is why, once a baby reaches a certain age, egg yolks are so good for them nutritionally). Breastmilk changes in composition fairly often as your baby grows from newborn to infant to toddler, perfectly providing the exact nutrition a baby at each certain age requires. But such is not the case when you are pregnant again-as I mentioned, rather than the milk aging and changing along with the child and its needs, it changes back into just colostrum.
As for where you could read up on these things for yourself, I did find these two articles which you may find helpful:
http://www.bellybelly.com.au/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-during-pregnancy/
http://kellymom.com/tandem-faq/16milkchanges/
I hope that helps! 🙂 Thanks for your comment.
Rebekah, I didn’t for some reason know you were blogging! We’ve been following the fun and precious photos you share on your FB page 🙂 I am so encouraged that there are young women and mothers that are striving to follow the commands of Jesus and address the attitudes of the heart. I Love It! Please keep on keeping on and I will pray the Lord will give you favor so you can encourage more and more women.
God bless you!
Rebekah Hargraves says
Oh, Mrs. Jacqueline, thank you so much for the sweet encouragement!! <3 You really blessed my heart today. I so appreciate your taking the time to leave me such kind words. It can feel discouraging or difficult sometimes to share truth when it's not popularly accepted these days! 😉 So, I appreciate your prayers!
God bless you and your sweet family!
Kaycee says
I just found your blog today (through the Instagram Chosen and Cherished Chat) and this post caught my attention, so I just had to read it! I just want to say thank you for this: “The bottom line for me then is this: I believe birth control can definitely be used in sinful ways (i.e. to encourage promiscuity among teens or to exercise a disdain for children among married couples), but it is not sinful in and of itself, is not expressly prohibited in Scripture, and can be used in ways that are acceptable.” <<< Yes, yes, yes!!!
I struggled with the birth control issue, but in my situation, I started using birth control AFTER I had a miscarriage. Prior to that I was NOT on one. I started taking BC after my miscarriage because I found out (after the fact) that I had a hormonal imbalance. Making the decision to use birth control after miscarrying was not something I took lightly at all! I spent so many nights praying about what to do because I was so afraid to one- do the wrong thing and two- have another miscarriage. The Lord made it clear to my husband and I that it was okay to take the birth control to regulate my hormones and to trust Him with our future family. He is the author of life and would give us children on or off of birth control. I definitely believe though that couples should pray together on these type of issues and do as the Lord leads. Following Him will bring us so much peace…and in my situation, He did give me the peace to start birth control.
Anyways, I completely agree with your sentiments! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Hi, Kaycee! It’s so nice to meet you! I’m so glad you followed the Chosen and Cherished chat. I hope you enjoyed it! 🙂
I so appreciate your encouragement and kind words. Thank you so much! Approaching such a touchy subject as this one was a bit daunting for me, so to receive encouragement like this is such blessing!
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony in this area! What you said is so, so true - this is an issue between a couple and the Lord and His leading and He is the ultimate author of life and will send children our way regardless of what exactly we do in the area of birth control. I’m so thankful you found peace in this area through the Lord’s leading. And I hope that, if anyone has given you grief for your choice, that you find comfort in the fact that you are doing exactly what the Lord has led you to do. <3
God bless you!
Kay W says
Such a beautifully written piece! Love this blog! Isn’t there something to be said, however, about the fact that at the time that particular psalm was written, it was the norm for households to have maidservants/handservants and for the men to have multiple wives and sometimes concubines to care for the needs of the children and the household altogether? My point being that common issues that arise from birthing multiple children were handled by spreading the work around, so to speak.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Thank you, Kay! You’re very kind. 🙂
Yeah, that is definitely an interesting point, and I’m sure things were a lot easier back then in those ways. Not that that should color how we view children as blessings, but it is definitely an interesting cultural observance, for sure!
Thanks so much for sharing!
Hi Rebekah, just felt the need to weigh in here on this delicate topic after reading through your article. As a Catholic I come from a different perspective and since I’m not overly articulate, I thought I would share this link with why Catholics don’t believe in using birth control based on scripture if you are interested at all: https://www.catholic.com/tract/birth-control
We as Catholics choose to use Natural Family Planning which is in line with God’s plan for life and being responsbile parents. Basically I chart my cycle and we abstain from sex completly during the fertile periods of the month if we are trying to wait to have another baby. It is a prayful discernment that we go through as a couple to figure out what God is calling us to do at that time in our lives. For instance if financially we feel it’s more responsbile for us to wait awhile to have another one we do so.
The reason this method differs from birth control is because you are avoiding the marital union all together so neither purpose of the marital union (procreating with God and bonding with eachother) is being violated. Birth control violates the procreation part of sex because it creates an artifical barrier to fertility while still participating in the bonding act of martial union.
Anyway I know this is coming from a Catholic perspective so please don’t take it as a judgement on you, I’m just sharing what I know about this very personal and sensitve topic and hope that it is insightful or helpful in some way 🙂 Natural Family Planning is a beautiful guilt free option and has really been a blessing in our marriage.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Hey, Hannah! I appreciate your thoughtful reply and your willingness to share your thoughts with me! 🙂
As for NFP, I do think it an excellent option for many couples. Unfortunately, though, for someone like me who tends to have irregular cycles, it’s not as feasible.
I’m not sure that I agree with the viewpoint of sex always having to be tied to procreation and intimacy, both. After all, sex can only result in a pregnancy at a certain time of the month, so on all the other days of the month sex is only linked to intimacy between husband and wife, anyway. With that realization, I personally would think it perfectly fine to engage in sex while at the same time not pursuing another pregnancy.
Those are just my thoughts, anyway. 🙂 Thanks again for sharing! I really appreciate it.
Elizabeth says
I enjoyed reading this and I think you bring up many good points.
I would say though, that certain types of birth control ARE sinful. Many hormonal birth controls work in three ways: stopping ovulation, thickening cervical mucus, and thinning the uterine lining. While the first two (although weird to me) are not necessarily sinful, thinning the uterine lining means that if an oops egg is released and fertilized it cannot implant. Therefore, it is as if a mother is aborting a child. IUDs also thin the uterine lining, allowing for the chance for this. While birth control is generally very effective, as an oops baby myself (with perfect use, btw), I know that eggs are sometimes still released. Most churches and Christians I know do not know or consider this, but if we believe children are blessings and life is sacred, it sould definitely be something that should be addressed. Condoms and the like may be annoying, but annoying is something I would much rather deal with than aborting a child.
Rebekah Hargraves says
Hey, Elizabeth! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I completely agree with you - this is why all we’ve chosen to use in the area of birth control is condoms (NFP doesn’t really work for us, what with my tendency to struggle with irregular cycles). I think it is becoming common knowledge more and more than things like the pill still do allow ovulation and conception at times, but it’s not as wide-spread as I wish it were. Thanks again for sharing! <3